Halloween Horror Nights 24
Select nights at Universal Orlando through Nov 1, starting at 6:30 p.m. $95.99, discounts available for Florida residents and annual pass holders; add-ons include front-of-the-line access or Frequent Fear Pass. halloweenhorrornights.com/orlando
Howl-O-Scream
Thurs. -Sats nights at Busch Gardens Tampa through Nov 1, 7:30 p.m.-1 a.m. $89, discounts available for annual pass holders and at Publix & AAA locations; add-ons include front-of-the-line fear passes, VIP tours, Fright Feast. HowlOScream.com
Like Cody Meacham, I love haunted houses. I’ve dared to enter scare parks in Florida, mysterious mansions in California and a ghost-infested hotel in Canada.
But what is it that makes us excited to be scared? How is fear actually defined?
According to Machiel Kennedy, a Clearwater-based doctor who writes about wellness and healthy living, “The acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. When you are scared, you are turning on a part of the midbrain (the location for emotions and memory) that is fight or flight. It shoots adrenaline through your body and you feel nervous, your heart begins to race, your pupils dilate so you can focus, you have acute hearing, your stomach and GI track turn off because you don’t need to be digesting, and finally your blood is sent to your muscles so you can either run or fight.”
He also says that people like haunted houses because they can get an adrenaline rush while still feeling safe. And no, you can’t die from being scared, unless of course you already have a previous medical condition.
Which was good to know, because I was about to visit every haunted house at Busch Gardens and Universal Orlando in one week.
Halloween Horror Nights 24, Universal Orlando
The scariest thing was the weather. It was pouring down rain. But that wouldn’t stop Michael Myers, so I wasn’t about to let it stop Meredith Myers.
I have been compared to Michael my whole life, simply because we have the same last name and are both somewhat pale and scary. But the time had come for us to finally meet. The new Halloween house was exactly like I remembered it from John Carpenter’s classic horror film. I couldn’t believe the exceptional attention to detail, everything from the bowl of popcorn on the kitchen table to the reenactment of poor Annie being strangled in that car. And Michael was everywhere. In every scene. Scaring the crap out of us. My favorite part was becoming Jamie Lee Curtis, hiding in the closet of JC Penney clothes as Michael tried to slash us through the flimsy door. We barely made it out alive. I loved this house. Like Michael, Meredith Myers would be back, too.
I screamed the most in the Walking Dead haunted house. “It is the largest maze ever constructed at HHN, with 14 scenes and over 60 actors,” shared HHN Creative Director Michael Aiello. As in the AMC hit series, we were trying to reach Terminus despite the savage walkers that were trying to eat us along the way. I don’t watch the show, but thanks to the actors and creative team, I knew exactly what the hell was going on, and I was scared to death. Likewise with From Dusk Till Dawn, based on the El Rey TV series. The bloodthirsty vampire
Because I have a sewing business, I absolutely loved Dollhouse of the Damned. From the moment I heard the sounds of a sewing machine endlessly stitching away at something (or someone), I knew I was going to appreciate every detail, the first of which included ’80s toy icons Teddy Ruxpin and Harmony Care Bear mounted on the wall. Scaring is caring.
At Roanoke Cannibal Colony, I enjoyed the smells of burning bodies more than the history lesson. I’ve been to North Carolina, and while The Lost Colony remains a mystery, the idea of English settlers becoming cannibals, however creative, simply grew grotesque, not interesting. The same goes for Dracula Untold: Reign of Blood, a house based on a film nobody had seen at the time of our tour.
AVP: Alien vs. Predator had the best sound effects, Giggles and Gore the best sick humor, and the street experiences were top-notch, especially The Purge: Anarchy, where, despite the rain, people were still being auctioned off to be killed.
I’ve been going to HHN since the ’90s and have always enjoyed the Bill & Ted’s Excellent Halloween Adventure show for its clever incorporation of current events. However, this year I just felt incredibly old, as I had no clue what most of the jokes were about, other than the ones aimed at Disney’s ever-popular Frozen, but even then I wanted to scream … [Enter overplayed song title here.]
Howl-O-Scream, Busch Gardens Tampa
There is nothing scarier than going through a haunted house alone. That is, until you watch the video of yourself going through a haunted house alone. Busch Gardens’s Director of Creative Services Scott Swenson strapped a video contraption to my chest so we could all experience the horror of me screaming my head off in the new Dead Fall haunted house. According to Swenson, the Victorian gardens and greenhouse I was about enter were “filled with ghosts that just don’t want to be forgotten.” Thanks to the Scream Cam and the internet, they won’t. I was just glad I didn’t swear or crap my pants. Both were possible. It was that scary. Once again, rain was pouring down but the cool people at Busch Gardens had hooked me up with a blue poncho and a yard-sized drink canister filled with craft beer. If there is an ideal way to go through haunted houses, this is it.
Blood Asylum was by far my favorite house. Being trapped inside an asylum for the criminally insane is a scary concept in itself. Add a creature on the loose skinning inmates, and the gore factor is at its highest and most creative. Death Water Bayou takes the voodoo world to the next level. Attending a New Orleans funeral was a delight, but leaving it was the best part. (Don’t bump your head on the coffin, and watch out for the evil minions swinging in on bungee cords.) Sticking with the funeral theme is Zombie Mortuary, which offers everyone a chance to be six feet under. Foodies out there, try The Basement, where you can learn firsthand the secret to Momma’s meat. Or if you just want to clown around, check out the very psychedelic Circus of Superstition: The Show Must Go On. And if you want to play laser tag with zombies, visit the new Zombie Containment Unit 15, where you will be given a Zombie Eradication Device (Z.E.D.) to shoot the undead so you can survive the maze.
There are also Slash mobs, a cursed front gate experience with creepy undead creatures dancing to a spooky song, the Fiends show featuring Dr. Freakenstein and his monster singing about big butts, Club Cursed pouring alcoholic potions, and a shop to purchase shirts or gummy boogers.
But what makes Howl-O-Scream so awesome is the chance to ride bone-chilling roller coasters in the dark. Cheetah Hunt, SheiKra, Gwazi, Montu, and yes, I even did America’s tallest freestanding drop tower, Falcon’s Fury.
Alone. After a rainstorm. And two yards of beer.
Now that is scary.